Treading the Hamster Wheel Part 2: Life, Volume 4, January 27 – April 12, 2007
I started writing this section in my other post and about half-way through, decided it warranted it’s very own post as I’m intrigued by the topic and by people’s thoughts on the matter. Read on.
Personal Development: Always curious to understand myself more, I picked up this book from the library on the recommendation of a friend. Called “The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child: Helping Your Child Thrive in an Extroverted World” by Marti Olsen Laney, the book seeks to explain the temperaments of introversion versus extroversion, positing that humans are hardwired at birth for one or the other, and discusses at great length about how parents can recognize and then assist their ‘innie’ child to succeed in an extroverted world. Apparently, for every innie, there’s three ‘outies’ – so extroverts dominate our culture and we, knowingly or not, benchmark kids against extroverted behavior. Whether one is an innie or outie is defined by how one derives, spends, and conserves energy. An introvert draws energy from within, while the extrovert is energized from the outside world – the author states this has nothing to do with shyness at all. Hmmm.
I was intrigued by this book, not because I’m a parent or plan to parent or plan to be around a lot of kids, but because I wanted some more data and another tool to help me understand myself. For many, many years I have struggled with my intense need for solitude and quiet time versus my love and enjoyment for social activity and friendship time. I’ve spun out of control many times after intense heavy social whirl periods and I’ve often wondered if I was meant to be in relationship because I tend to find it difficult to balance ‘me’ time, ‘we’ time, ‘friend’ time, and ‘everything else’ time. When I took the Myers/Briggs test years ago, I came out with a 50% rating on the extrovert/introvert continuum (I’m a ESFJ or ISFJ while Bruce is a INTJ) which was surprising because I’d always self-identified as a strong extrovert.
So what did all this reading and reflecting lead me to conclude? That I am probably a 50/50 innie/outie and my problem is that I’m leading an 80% extroverted lifestyle; hence, my struggles and grief from time to time. BALANCE is the key to my happiness and I need to make sure I’m scheduling A LOT of time for myself – to read, to rest, to do whatever I need to do to rejuvenate myself. I think as I’m getting older, I may be leaning a wee bit more towards the introverted side of the scale, which means even more down time is needed.
Bruce & I had a lot of fun going through our list of friends and trying to figure out what they were. Our conclusion was that we have a lot of introverted friends which was a bit surprising given the 25%/75% innie/outie ratio. When I expressed surprise to one of our close ‘innie ‘friends, she didn’t think this was unusual at all, saying that innies attract other innies and surround themselves with other like-minded people. Made sense to me.
So, friends, if you’re reading this and want to weigh in, I’m curious…. How do you self-identify on the Introvert/Extrovert continuum? Are there any outies out there?
Haha…could you guess i’m an innie? duh
Great post. I’d love to read that book. I’d say i’m an extreme innie, but i’ve certainly learned to enjoy the extroverted world. I’ve reached a point in my life where I realize that paying attention to my SELF is key. I’m really good knowing how much socializing I can handle and how to set boundaries.
I would encourage anyone to embrace their innie! It’s definitely not about shyness.
Don’t ever feel guilty or sad about being introverted. Just remember (like you said) you do need balance. It’s not an excuse to be a hermit and hide. Being an innie has made me a great listener…it involves a natural affinity to live in the moment, take deep breaths, and listen to the world.
I’m introverted and quite shy.
Trouble is, I don’t want to be, so I overcompensate by making myself be social and outgoing. This mostly works well professionally – I’m a lot more forward than most IT geeks and I’ve done reasonably well in my career as a result. Socially, it’s a bit mixed because a lot of people find me annoyingly OTT. I think this is ok with people who’ve just met me and with those who’ve known me a long time and I can just chill out aound – it’s the middle group where there are issues.
Incdentally, I’m not sure if this is related, but I do happen to believe (and there is evidence of this) that personality tests like Myers-Briggs are pseudo-science.
well, being as we’re sisters and raised in the same household, it should be no surprise i feel the same way about myself – somewhere between and innie & outie (probably leaning slightly towards outie?). I definitely enjoy my down time and time to myself. Ain’t nothin wrong with that!!
like you, whenever i’ve done Myers-Briggs I come out slap in the middle.
The last couple of times I’ve been slightly on teh extrovert side. At the moment i’m acting very introverted so i suspect it’s partly to do with what is happening in life for me.
Oh yeah, I’m an innie to be sure. I do credit that need for solitude for my academic focus early in life, and I suppose it’s also why I ended up becoming so computer-focused. Of course, having crazy allergies to everything in the outdoors and thus being jacked up on speed-laced allergy meds also contributed to both these things.
Thanks everyone for your comments.
Funny, or perhaps not-so-funny, that everyone who commented, both on and off the blog, self identified as introverts. Hmmmm, maybe I don’t know any extroverts or maybe they’re all busy doing shit! Unlike the rest of us who have copious amounts of time to surf the net and read each others blogs!
Kat — definitely pegged you as a innie. But what about Big Drew? Innie or Outie? I put him right in the middle, maybe even a hair over on the outie side.
Rich — agree with your comment about Myers-Briggs. Heard that one can even take the test multiple times successively and come up with different results. Neither here nor there, it is a fun tool and a fun test to do with a partner. What’s OTT?
Joyous — yup, had you pegged just on the other side of outie.
Xhile — your answer surprised me, although I don’t know you that well. Now that I think of it, based on our few days together at Kiwiburn, I definitely can see how you’d be smack in the middle.
Massimo — innie definitely!
I think I’m close to the middle, but slightly introverted, and tend to be selective about who I get to know as I do need alot of personal time!